Just Found Out I'm Positive

Your Emotional Health

Allow yourself permission to experience all of your own emotions associated with testing positive. Anger, fear, grief, and depression are normal. And they will pass.

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Finding out that you have HIV is usually overwhelming. Even if you had suspected it for some time, learning that you are can be a very traumatic experience. Testing HIV-positive has led some people to quit their jobs, quickly write out their wills, and say goodbye to their friends and family, only to discover that they aren't sick and will probably live for many years to come. It's common to perceive these results as an immediate death sentence, but this is simply not true.

What you are feeling now is perfectly normal. Anger, fear, confusion, numbness, depression -- all are completely natural reactions to the kind of news you've heard. If you've known for even several weeks, you may find yourself having a normal day, then suddenly remember that you are HIV-positive. It's very common for this kind of realization to just "hit you in the face" out of nowhere over and over again. You are not going crazy if this happens to you. Your moods may swing from profound sadness one moment to extreme anger the next. That's normal, too.

The first step to getting through this emotional turmoil is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Don't be surprised to find yourself going through the day in a state of shock. Allow yourself to feel nothing. Your emotions will come rushing back in soon enough. This is merely a way that your mind "turns off" to allow you to cope with a problem.

If you are feeling angry, that's fine. You have every right to be angry and a lot to be angry about. It's okay to express this anger. If you're frightened, acknowledge your fears. You are thinking about things that would make anyone fearful.

Everyone has their own path of experiencing emotions, including you.

You are allowed to feel the way you do. Don't be hard on yourself or think you have to be strong. You don't have to be anything.