Sex and the Poz Man

Hearing 'No' While Staying Positive

Hearing 'no' can sound louder than it really is. How do you handle rejection when you're HIV positive?

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Every guy has heard "no" when they ask another guy for sex, a date or a relationship. And each of us has probably said "no" to a guy.

Sometimes guys say "no" to us when they find out we have HIV. It may not happen all the time, but it happens.

So you may need to get some skills to handle the "no" while staying positive and proud. It may help you to think about these things:

• Your worth as a person didn’t change when you got HIV.
• Some people say they are stronger and better people because of what they have gone through.
• It is not really about you. His "no" is about him – what he thinks and feels about HIV.
• He may be trying to lower his own risk of getting HIV. And that is his choice to make.
• He may be dealing with other issues and can’t handle thinking about HIV right now.

Lots of HIV negative and positive guys have sex with, date, and love HIV positive guys. If this guy isn’t one of them, the next guy could be. You did what you felt you had to do. You told him you were HIV positive. It was probably not an easy thing to do. You respected yourself and you respected him. No one can take that from you.